What Does Unspoken Agreement
Instead, it is our assumptions about what is being communicated that derail us the most. We assume that when we speak, people understand us exactly. And conversely, when we listen, we think we understand everything exactly. But as we know, very often this is not the case. Even in normal, everyday situations, tacit agreements can end badly and lead to misunderstandings. To continue with the example above, “someone knocks on the door” could mean different things depending on the context. Dan Pallotta, author of the Harvard Business Review, describes the listener`s dilemma in How to Fix Mismismismises in Work and in Life: “Landmark Education, a society of human performance and development, describes the phenomenon as listening `always.` It`s counterproductive listening where you don`t really listen to the other person. Instead, you listen to what the voice in your head says about what the other person is saying. He or she is caught in the prison of your prejudices – trapped in your “listening” and can never show you in any other way. Second, stick to the agreement: the ultimate part of showing someone that you`ve both listened to and fully understood expectations is through your actions. Respecting the agreements you make cements you not only as a good communicator, but also as a person of integrity who keeps your word. Hidden depression is a condition in which the affected person does not manifest typical symptoms of depression, but other patterns and characteristics. If we assume that others know what we think and what we expect of them, we are doing them a great disservice.
Assuming we were clear about what we wanted, we blame them if things don`t go as planned. In the workplace, this “frontal” bias affects us in daily activities. For example, when we hold team meetings and discuss tasks and actions to take, we do our best to understand what has been said and to move forward with what we have agreed. Tacit and poorly communicated agreements are like small time bombs that can explode at any time. And the more we, as speakers and listeners, do NOT practice good communication, the more we produce these little time bombs that will explode when we least expect them and cause a huge mess. And so on, with speakers who do not make their points and listeners who do not receive the information they need. Equally uneven chords emerge from these unequal conversations, and before we knew it, we adapted to some epic misconceptions. And so on.
We bring these agreements (which often look like opinions) with us wherever we go. Of course, so does everyone. And just like that, a disagreement about what has been said, planned, or what should be, suddenly becomes much more likely. We assign our own labels and meanings to things based on our own perspectives and where we come from. Then, before we realize it, our opinions (rules of life) begin to influence our agreements. But what if you have a conversation with someone who has a different worldview than you? This can interfere with any kind of understanding we are trying to forge. Interruptions, judgments, disagreements and emotions are now in control, and our attention is mainly focused on respecting our own agreements we have already made with the world. If ten people go to a meeting and we ask the same ten people what they heard after the meeting, we will probably get ten different answers to what is being said. It`s not surprising at all – it`s hard to hear someone else when you`re too busy listening to yourself. Wouldn`t it be great if we knew what all these tacit agreements really are? Would that not make it easier to determine whether these are advantageous agreements and, if so, to comply with them? As recipients of information, we can also practice active listening by repeating what the speaker was told: “I hear you say this. Is this true? or “What I understand is this.
Am I right? This can make the meeting more of a conversation with confirmation of important things. The reward for an organization that practices active listening and speaking around chords is a huge dynamic. A team that is in tune with all its members is one that can work with optimal strength. Our lives are determined by the multitude of agreements we make every day. Fourth, clean up broken agreements: No one is perfect, and sometimes you find yourself in a situation that prevents you from sticking to your agreement. If this happens, take responsibility and don`t apologize. When agreements are broken, it can be an opportunity to reconnect with the team and ask the parties involved how you can do it right. Make an effort to uncover any underlying issues that contributed to why you broke the deal in the first place.
This will help you stay on track. It is not wise to communicate halfway. Unfortunately, there are a number of social and cultural mechanisms that allow us to leave messages in the air, such as implicit or tacit agreements. Society regulates words and how they are used, sometimes to encourage good manners, and sometimes simply to facilitate their daily use. People can make any kind of agreement with each other, but it`s bad if a person thinks a pact has been made, when in reality it`s not. As in the examples above, this often happens when it comes to reciprocating, but it can also happen in more complicated situations. For example, “Because I`ve suffered so much in life, you shouldn`t make it difficult for me.” Or, “Because I think I`m superior to you, you can`t criticize me.” Both can have disastrous consequences. The two participants in the conversation must be in harmony to interpret exactly what the other person means when they throw imprecise sentences that they think are clear. Misunderstandings would be nothing but stupid stories if they didn`t happen, even in more complicated situations. Non-binding, non-verbal chords represent a kind of magic in human interaction. They do not include lawyers, contracts or settlements.
A simple agreement between two parties to which each party adheres. But what we often don`t realize is that while some of these agreements are conscious, many of them are unconscious. Conscious diversity is spoken or written. Unconscious agreements are tacit, but often have us just as strongly under control – although we are not even aware of it. If a misunderstanding occurs, it is best to clarify it for now. Ultimately, the speaker must take full responsibility for knowing whether he or she has conveyed the message. But listeners must also take responsibility for confirming the message for themselves. Did something go by without help? Does anything still seem confusing or vague? Ask questions and find out. Have the courage to demand clarification on what they are trying to communicate. To stay up to date with our agreements, these best practices must be applied consistently.
The alternative is catastrophic and costly. Believe me, I saw it. First, make a clear agreement: As a speaker, ask your audience, “What did you hear” or “What are you getting from this conversation?” When an agreement is reached, ask, “Who will do what from here when?” Another way to ask is, “What steps will you take as a result of this meeting?” If you feel discomfort or tension, give your listeners permission to give honest feedback. You could also ask, “Is there anything you want to tell me you think I don`t want to hear?” or “Are there elephants in the room that we need to talk about?” Third, renegotiate agreements you may not be able to meet: familiarity with colleagues can lead to tacit assumptions that they don`t mind if you falsify a deadline or deliver only part of what you promised. This is an imaginary, tacit agreement that may not be true at all. If you need to break a deal, renegotiate with all the actors involved in advance and with enough time for everyone to readjust. So go for it in good faith. However, the real effects of poor listening are shocking in their frequency. In 5 facts about workplace communication you need to know, entrepreneur.com author Erik Kostelnik highlights embarrassing statistics about the final results of meetings: “Forty-six percent of employees rarely or never leave a meeting and know what to do next.” Buyers and owners have agreed on a special agreement. This Agreement benefits both parties. They never say it.
They do not negotiate and do not shake it. It is simply understood. This is the tacit agreement. These agreements between us and the world are so deeply rooted in us that most of the time we don`t even consider them as agreements. .